I’ve been thinking a lot about kindness lately.
It started back in November when I attended the Remembrance Day ceremony at my boys’ school. The guest speaker was a relatively young veteran who spoke powerfully from the heart. My older son remarked afterward that this veteran was the best he had ever heard “because he actually told us what we could do to honour the veterans.”
Yes, after telling the gymnasium full of young people that he remembers being in their seats, not really understanding what Remembrance Day was all about, the speaker shared that he finally understood after serving in the military himself.
He said, “I think what Veterans and serving personnel really want is for you, all of you, to make the best use of the opportunities we gave up, the things we sacrificed. To live happy, creative, caring lives. To make the world a better place by being in it. That’s the best way you can remember us.”
What a profound call to action.
The veteran’s words stayed with me and got me thinking: How do I foster kindness in my world?
Later that day I got curious and posted this question on Facebook: “What do YOU do each day to promote peace and/or share kindness?” I asked specifically about the micro things folks do day-to-day... with their family, at the grocery store, in their workplace, for strangers, etc.
It didn’t take long for the responses to flood in, and soon I had a long list of simple, easy things anyone can do to share kindness. (I’ve included the list below.)
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We can all think of grander gestures of kindness: fundraising for an important cause, volunteering at the food bank, collecting donations for a homeless shelter, etc. Our communities need these changemakers, people who are driven to take action to make a positive difference in the world.
At the same time, micro gestures of kindness are needed just as much. How we treat other humans in passing, in those small moments of interaction, also contributes to the well-being in our families and communities. And our choice to be kind can have an impact:
A quick Google search on micro-kindness led me to Donna Cameron’s blog and this quote by Julian Bowers Brown: “Kindness. Easy to do. Easy not to do. Choose the latter, no one will notice. Choose the former and lives may change.”
Whoa.
One of my favourite quotes is: “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.” Fair enough. I don’t have to look far to see hate, fear, and divisiveness on my feeds these days. While I don’t like seeing it, I will take the quote’s advice to promote what I love instead. And one thing I love right now is micro-kindness.
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After getting those responses on Facebook, I started doing some of the micro-kindness things recommended by my friends. I started saying Thank You to people who are often overlooked. I started complimenting strangers instead of noticing and saying nothing. And I started slowing down and really paying attention when family and friends talk to me.
I’ve been in this experiment for a few months now and here’s what I observe so far: I feel better. I’m happier. I feel more connected to other humans. And I feel like – in a micro way – I’m doing my part to make the world a better place.
In those moments when I’m taking the time to have eye contact with someone, to share my genuine gratitude for someone’s work, to listen to a stranger – or my sons – tell me their story, I am more connected and I remember that we’re all in this together.
If you also feel drawn to try micro-kindness, here are 16+ simple, easy things to do (in the order they popped into the comment section; emphases are mine). Allow yourself to be inspired by the ideas listed here, and see if you can pick one to try… we’re going to have to get creative in this time of social distancing:
A special thank you to my dear friends for giving me permission to share your ideas from that November Facebook post. And to the wise veteran from the school ceremony: Thank you for meeting with me afterward and for giving me permission to use your words.
1. “I practice pausing before I speak and react, especially to my kids. I want to model someone who takes responsibility for her own feelings so that she can be kind and caring with others and their feelings.” – Naomi
2. “Little things like let people into traffic, hold the door open, be friendly and open to others.” – Patricia
3. “I try to chat in the grocery store line, it usually makes for incredible and uplifting conversation.” – Jolayne
4. “I read an article once about “the first four minutes.” It talked about how the first 4 minutes of interaction can make or break the way a relationship will go. So, the words said, the tone of voice, the body language can all say “I’m not even going to try” or it can say, “you are very important to me and I’m glad to see you.”” – Elspeth
5. “If I go through ANY drive-through and there’s someone behind me, I almost always pay for their order. It always feels good…. And if I see anyone ANYWHERE struggling (can’t reach something, looks confused, can’t find something), I always offer some assistance. It only takes a minute and it can change someone’s day. Kindness should just be part of our day, everyday. It’s easy.” – Michelle
6. “I learned this one from my husband. Before you say anything, first ponder, Is it kind, is it true and is it necessary! There may be a lot we don’t say!” – Teresa
7. “I do various things like make sure I say hi to neighbours. Also pick up litter for the garbage container on my walks.” – Vera
8. “I work hard to make eye contact and conversation with people I encounter. At a store or a restaurant I acknowledge my gratitude for whatever service the person is providing…. My kids and I play a game to see how many people we can help smile while at a restaurant or grocery store. That is the most fun…. I look for what is needed wherever I am and try to be a helper or hold the door, help seniors or parents with children if they need bags carried or doors opened, shovel my neighbours walks in winter, take people’s green and blue bins up their driveway, pick up garbage when I walk in the park, give money and have conversation with people who are on the streets etc. I find that the good old fashioned respectful thoughtful acts are now the greatest acts of kindness because we no longer expect them from people.” – Amy
9. “I've often been a manager/supervisor at my various jobs. I've learned to bring in some of the best techniques I learned when I was learning how to teach karate. When you're doing it right, corrections to a person's actions don't really feel like corrections, but rather feel like guidance.. And even more correctly, should feel like the person finds their way there on their own, sort of. This might sound manipulative, but in reality it's not.. It's just not harsh instruction, but rather a kind of mentoring. If I've gotten to the point where I have to get tough with someone, I'm not mentoring them in the way they need mentoring and that's my fault. I make a point of finding the things to be enthusiastic about so that I'm not faking any emotions and work up from there.
That old adage applies: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” – Natalie
10. “Something I got from my Mom is, smiling! I smile at every person that I have eye contact with, no matter who they are.” – Kelly
11. “Sorting through old Down East magazines today, I sent an email to a local assisted living facility to see if they would like me to drop them off. Remembering when my mother was there for 2 years before she died and how much it meant for her to see pictures of the places she loved but could no longer visit.” – Merle
12. “I encourage joy and kindness among siblings by interrupting an argument with a high-pitched, off key rendition of the first few lines to a song I learned in Sunday School as a child: “Be Kind to One Another, Be Tenderhearted Too, Be Kind To One Another In Everything You Doooo!” Always sung in the most painful, heart-stopping, hair-raising voice I can work up. The arguing stops and they all beg me to stop immediately and everything seems to be better after that. Peace reigns, because nobody wants me to start back up.
In all seriousness, joy and humor can make everyone happier and the day seems brighter. David always jokes with cashiers or his patients and I’m amazed at the transformation that takes place. He stops strangers and tells them they look familiar (usually he is right and they make the connection, as he grew up in this small town), and he’s not afraid to approach anyone in a friendly way.” – Alana
13. “With my children, I treat them with utmost respect, and make every effort to relate to them regardless of the topic. With everyone, I try to find commonalities, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, in an effort to relate to/with everyone during our exchanges.” – Glenna
14. “Earlier this fall I was driving to another province and made a pit stop at a roadside public washroom where I regularly pull in. One of the reasons I like this particular place is because it is immaculate and always well-stocked. I've frequently seen staff at work when I stop there, and sure enough there was a lady working when I was there on this occasion. So I decided to tell her how much her work is appreciated and really makes a difference for me when I travel that route. She was flabbergasted - happy, but flabbergasted. I've decided to make it my mission to express my appreciation to anyone who does those jobs that are overlooked but make such a difference in our day. Those positions are often held by low wage-earners, people who are all but ignored for what they do, and utterly taken for granted.” – Carla
15. “I started in earnest after that Random Acts of Kindness task for the month of December a few years ago that said, “Tip someone who never gets tipped.” It really got me thinking. I work hard at remembering names, especially of the friends of my kids. It really matters. I like to remember names in general though, so if I see a former student, or the barista or the nurses I see all the time, I say their name. I first read about how important this is in the old Dale Carnegie book, and I believe it to be true.” – Heather
16. “I thank every worker in every airport bathroom because they work so hard and are so busy.”– Diane
Butterfly Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash